Sichuan - Living on the Wild Side

I have been coming to China every 3 months for the last two years. And during each visit, there are a few mandatory things:

Dumplings - usually at Din Tai Fung - a famous Taiwanese style dumpling house.

A massage. There are in expensive foot massages on every block, for less than $30.

Avoidance of American food. I try hard not to each a single sandwich, burger or hotdog while I am here. There is just too much good food to waste a single meal.

Noodle soup for breakfast. The hotel I stay at has a huge $25 buffet that most visitors go to (my corporate rate includes the breakfast). There are three sections to the buffet - Western style - that includes every type of breakfast item from British beans to Aussie Muesli to Swedish wasa to American eggs and bacon. But at the other end of the room, you can get Chinese porridge and chicken broth for breakfast. I love Asian soups - and so I try to eat breakfast as much on the Asia side. Because I am not generally a breakfast person, the novelty of eating breakfast at all wears off half way into the trip.

The last thing that is a tradition as well as an adventure all wrapped up into one is the "big Chinese restaurant" experience.

The real Chinese restaurant experience takes place in large dining rooms at huge round tables, often on the 2nd or 3rd story of buildings. It is not normal to go to these restaurants by yourself. Usually, I will be invited by a work colleague at least once during my trip. However, in my attend to be courteous, and respectful, I ask that they order. In doing so, they often believe my palette is still Westernized, and order safe things. Therefore, in the last 3-4 trips, gaining confidence, I have tried to visit one of these places on my own.

It isn't natural I tell you. And it is noticeable as I walk into one of these large restaurants.

Typically, they are accessed by elevators that open up in the lobby of the restaurant. When those elevator doors open, and the multiple hostesses look at me - there is panic on their face. Most of the employees at these large restaurants are recruited in from small towns across the China. That means low cost - and many people. And because foreigners seldom (never) go to those restaurants, there is no need to have employees speaking English. And my Mandarin is nada. Hence, that initial 3 minutes of panic to get from the elevator door to a table always happen.

I throw up a thump, representing the number one in China, and confirm to them that I am the odd person who intends to eat alone. One person goes scrambling for the one menu in the house that is full of pictures, and the others decide what to do to me.

Tonight, they sat me at a large table. The might have assumed that others were coming. And finally, when they realized it was just me, there was some agreed upon decision by the staff to move me to another table. Several walked up to the table, and tried to motion to me to move to the back of the restaurant. But I have to admit, that even though I understood, I feigned ignorance. The reason for the deception is that once they decide to move you to the smaller tables, they are often in nooks and crannies in the restaurant - and I end up with a bad place in the corner.

Finally tonight, they just gave up, and started clearing all of the settings away from the table.

On most menus, I can find the kung pao chicken entrée - probably reserved for the few foreigners that do make their way into the restaurant. But I am not interested in that.

I want to try a few new things that look interesting or at least give me a picture worth taking for the internet.

Within two minutes, after several of the waiters have poked the other waiters ("You go wait on him! Not me…") to come to my table. I have barely opened the drink menu, let alone the menu.

There is wine on the menu, but only bottles. After all, no one comes alone - so why would anyone want just one bottle?

I pointed at the middle of a list of a few imported bottles of beer. But with one long sweep of a hand, I was told that all of those imported beers were not available. TsingTao, the local Chinese beer ends up becoming my only option. And usually, those beers are just above room temperature.

After I give the waiter the beer order by pointing, the waiter stands there, and waits for the order.

There is an amazing skill in China. These menus are literally 20-30 pages, and often filled with pictures that resemble a story book. Usually, when a local person orders, they start at the front of the book, and just start thumbing through the book, picking out items as they come across them.

I can't do that. There are too many things to try - and I have not figured out the proper order between the meats and fishes and vegetables and noodles and everything in between.

And so, I have to then take the time to pantomime to the waiter that I need more time to look at the menu. That is a hard pantomime. Anything pointing to the watch ends up making them think you are short on time or want to know what time the restaurant closes. I scan try to "shu" them away - but that is rude. I usually end up pointing at my eyes and then the menu - and make the "long" sign by pulling my hands a part. Sometimes they get it. Other times - they don't - and end up standing there, until they finally just give up and go away.

I went to a place tonight called South Beauty. This place is part of a chain of places. They are known for being "high end elegant and ultra chic Sichuan Dining." Sichuan is known for spice and heat. It is usually full of flavor and very delicious.

I looked at the menu. If I had a large budget, I could have ordered very expensive fishes or meats. When you are a group, you can traditionally order one of those high end items for friends or family to join in on . But to order a $60 fish just doesn't make sense when you are one person.

I could have also ordered more exotic items - but tonight, I decided I just wasn't into sea slugs or beef penis.

Instead I opted for the following dishes:

Pork Belly with Mashed Garlic

I loved the presentation on this. Thin slices are hung on a wooden rack, and steam. When done, and still dripping with fat, it is hung over greens. You take a piece of the pork, add a garlic spread, carrots and onions, roll and then dip in a spicy sauce.

House Made Silken Tofu,
created table side and made by dripping soybean milk over a rock.

The dips were wild and varied. It included some sort of diluted honey, a thin peanut butter, an odd mixture that must have had salty century egg in it, a green pesto of some sort, and a couple of other peppery or spice condiments. I am not sure exactly how this is meant to be eaten. Do you add only 1-2 items to the whole dish? I decided, since I was alone and "double dipping" was quite ok, to dip my spoon first in a sauce and then scoop up some tofu and head for my mouth.

Braised bean curd with minced beef and Sichuan pepper.

This is one of their famous dishes. The thick gravy is full of Sichuan peppers - so authentic that when you place the tofu to your lips - the pepper corns number you lips. It isn't hot as in "mexican pepper hot." Sichuan pepper is more numbing than spicy.

Vermicelli with Shredded Duck and Pickled Vegetable
The picture looked great - with fat slices of duck on top. I was cheated on this dish tonight. The duck was slim and minimal. If I could speak Mandarin, I would have sent it back.

Sichuan Dumpling
And lastly - 3-4 stuffed dumplings in a spicy sauce.

My stomach will likely grumble the rest of the night. But I gave it my best to eat as much as I could. It was way more than I could eat. But that is the challenge in a Chinese restaurant. One dish could easily fill you completely up. But then it is like eating a large family bowl of carrots and saying you are done.

Finally, at the end of the meal, I wrestle with the prices. I have no idea in the end what I am being charged - and have to just hope I am not being ripped off too much. They add 10% for tip - and charges for the tea and the towel they give you. There could be more, but I will never know.

Most foreigners would never bother to put themselves into such drama and unknown. And I would not want to do it every night. But at least once, each trip, I live on the wild side!